A much needed form of release.

It was 3 15 in the afternoon and the anger I had for the dishonest hag who stole my phone is still very much intact. As I hurried to the gym for my daily routine, I couldn't help but recall incidents that have took place for the past two days, of which had a massive detrement on my usually chirpy and happy demeanor. Apart from (once again) the dishonest hag who stole my phone, the incident with regards to the homophobic guy from facebook who had such an unatural (or natural) hatred for a community of people, a minority no less, was just stuck at the back of my mind, planted in it, like a growing, breathing tumour, and i just couldn't shake it off.

As my workout progressed, much of it fueled by my recent rush of anger that even Miley Cirus and Kesha on repeat couldn't relieve, I redirected it toward lifting the cold metallic weight plates and bars, I just couldn't figure out how someone can have that much hate towards something, or someone. I mean, I have to admit that recently I did have an update on facebook where i wished that the hag who stole my phone would,

"die the most horrible death and get into an accident where he'll lose his stealing hands and has to live a hard and painful life as a cripple, without both his eyes and function with a half damaged brain."

I have to admit, extracting the anger aside, what I hoped would happen to this dishonest-stealing-hag, might be a little extreme (and sadistic), but this extreme anger and hate which i personally feel is justifiable,  is specifically directed towards someone (a thief) who has done me considerable emotional harm. This other person(lets just refer to him as 'Straight')'s anger however, which is directed to a whole community of people, was simply brought on by some wierdo on facebook who merely asked him in a private chat, whether Straight would allow another guy to touch his body. Well, just for the benefit of those who has not had the chance to come upon this 'interesting conversation', Straight actual reply to this 'proposal' was,

"Fuck off faggot!"

I suppose, up this point, being the diplomat that I am, I felt that Straight's reaction, although slightly harsh, was appropriate. However, Straight's potty mouth did not stop there, he went on a little bit futher, the 'golden-nugget' being,

"I HATE GAYS AND HOPE YOUU DIE! yes... Im homophobic... so fuck off"

If you are slightly more understanding, and was naturally born with a higher level of tolerance then most, I suppose that you might even argue how this response is still considered appropriate, given the circumstances. However, like all great 'activists', Straight did not stop there. He decided to start an online thread, an album on facebook to be specific, of encounters he has with gay people online(and offline), titled: (and here comes the second 'golden nugget') "I hate gays and I hope they DIE", complete with an 'album description' which reads,

"This is gonna be a compilation of encounters with the "other" kind. To be specific, gays.. No.. FAGGOTS. These degenerate nincompoops without any moral decency should not even be allowed a life!

FAGGOTS destroy the natural reproductive cycle of human being. No religion accept them. No sane society recognises them (thank god Singapore still has the law against unnatural sex) and no functional family person wants them. So why are they still here? the question still remains..."

Other then the fact that he refered to gay people like how the blue people were referred to in the movie, Avatar, I felt even more disturbed knowing that I have actually been in close contact numerous times with this person for at least a year, given the fact that I used to work out in the gym that his father owns. Straight clearly felt the same way (maybe more so) towards gay people like I did toward my handphone-stealing-hag.

A thought suddenly came racing to me,

"How is it possible for a whole community of people be perceived of with such hate and anger equivalant to how I felt about a thief who has personally done me harm? Are gay people simply regarded as criminals and sub-standard members of society simply because they are born with different wants and needs?

Finishing up the last repetition for my bicep curls, with half the energy and less of the anger that i had arriving at the gym, I recalled my experiences as a child and a teenager, of how I feared the idea of being 'out', denying and lying through my teeth about my sexuality, even when obviously the odds were against me. I thought of how much I have grown as a person, being an out gay man, (most times), socially and professionally, and here I was, presented with this incident which made me realise one thing, It has not changed one bit. The scariest thought of all is that it possibly never will.

I walked out of the gym, hurried to the bus stop and boarded the bus, avoiding all forms of eye contact  from possible homophobes who might derive great pleasure from killing me.  I suppose I did feel slightly better, simply from just thinking it through, the thought of writing and having an outlet to talk about recent setbacks in my life. Although part of me is still upset at the dishonest-stealing-hag, the other is just ready to let go and to simply just move on. Writing about it became an outlet for me, and I can just hope that Straight derived the same pleasure, a breeze of relieve from all his feelings of hatred and anger that he had previously held on to, all stuffed in his tightly corseted mind.

And just like that, my growing, breathing tumour, previously planted at the back of my mind, disappeared.