Foreword:
I honestly never thought I was ever fat as an adult until I actually saw a photo of myself from two years back. I mean, yeah, I gymed ALMOST regularly, at least 3 times a week, I did my fair share of cardio, ALMOST regularly ABOUT 3 times a week and I watched what I ate ALMOST all the time. What I did not realise was that I snacked a lot on flight (I was a flight steward for Singapore Airlines) and all the late night in-room dining of Caeser Salads (with half the dressing) from various hotel menu's all over the world, was taking a toll on my weight.
I'm going to have to admit something I have never done openly to strangers and here it goes; for the past ten years, I have been suffered from eating disorders ranging from aneroxia (when i started out at 15) to bulimia (after i got tired of dieting). I would be lying if I claimed that I am cured and am no longer vomiting. Although the frequency has dropped DRASTICALLY from 3 times a day to once or twice a week, the problem still very much exists for me. I suppose it is harder for me to admit it, simply for the fact that this is labelled as a 'woman's' disease, but as small as the percentage is for bulimic males, we exist.
I am not speaking for other bulimics out there when i say that i do it to relinquish a sense of control over my life. Say what you want, but thats a fact, for me at least. I was fat as a child, and everysince i started losing weight (it began with exercise and a sensible diet), it slowly became an obsession for me to lose more. Unlike our female sufferers, some male bulimics have an obsession, not of being stick skinny, but to being 'ripped' (think abs) Over the years, personal incidents have kicked me when i was down, continuously contributing to my fear of gaining weight, in order to gain acceptance, especially in the social circle that i am in.
However, wallowing aside, what i aim to gain from publically admiting this problem, is to share my experiences and knowledge when it comes to dieting an exercise. This is not a 'one size fits all' remedy, but I sincerely hope it does help those who are or have been experiencing the same problem as I have, and most importantly, healing myself in the process.
Regards,
Aiman.
Posts
i think you looked the best a few years back when you weighed a little bit more. i wish the best for you and hopefully you can seek proper treatment!
ReplyDeleteYour very brave to share your story with others and you never know who may benefit from it. I know there are many, many more guys that go through these issues than people realize and if we had more dialogue about it, we would see alot more recoveries. Props to you for breaking the stigma on the subject and prompting people to give such things some thought...
ReplyDelete^_____^ elizabeth
hey elizabeth,
ReplyDeletethanks for your comment. meant a lot to me that ur not judging me (hope not =O) cause of it. hope u had a blessed christmas and an amazing new year ahead of ya! =)
Hi Aiman,
ReplyDeleteI've just stumbled upon your blog while looking for Barbie Circle lenses reviews, and i've discovered we have more in common than a liking for Barbies and Acuvue Defines!
I too have suffered from anorexia and bulimia ever since i was 15/16, but I just cannot relate to those pro-ana/pro-mia websites where everyone is depressed, everyone wants to be superskinny and everyone obsesses over their disease.
I, like you, am on my road to recovery (which I'm not sure of wanting to finish), but there are still some things in life I enjoy - like taking care of myself, working to make myself look prettier (e.g. by wearing circle lenses), and so on. I do vomit, sometimes once every few months, other times several times a day/a week; sometimes I spent several days without any food at all (be it in liquid or in solid form).
But I don't obsess over it, my life goes on - and even though I have never been brave enough to tell anyone in the real life, to me it's a relief to briefly talk about it on the internet with someone, like you, who will probably understand.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I will keep on visiting!
Ps.- Speaking of circle lenses, I'd like to ask your advice. I have Arab ancestors, so my eyes are naturally quite big and ordinary circle lenses don't have much of an enlarging effect on me :(
See this pic of myself wearing Acuvue Define in Vivid (brown). http://xb5.xanga.com/fa9f2af472031263705224/b210229047.jpg
Which are the biggest circle lenses you ever tried? Barbie Circle in brown, for example? I don't want any coloring, just the most natural possible enlarging effect.
Thanks a lot!
Hi Rosana!
ReplyDeleteBefore I say anything else I just want you to know that ur gorgeous. And i dont mean that in a 'i feel sorry for u kind of way'.
haha
well, i'm glad you are working your way through your eating disorders and I understand how u feel being unable to talk about it with others, i mean some of my friends still dont get my obsessions, be it with food, gym or circle lenses.
but yeah, i loved how u said that ur on the road to recovery, but yet you dont know whether you want to completely finish it. It was so honest, but yeah. I can definately relate.
anyways, acuvue define has like a VERY minimal enlargement, but if you love the colour and how it makes your eyes look, but just want a more noticible enlargement, you should seriously get the barbie circle browns at 14.5mm. They are definately much bigger then what you are wearing now. Having said that, there are the newer lenses in the market that have a 16.0 mm effect. I dunno. Personally, even though my motto before this was 'the bigger the better', i seriously think those are a tad bit too large, making one look very alien-ish.
anyways, which country do you reside in? I can recommend you a site nearest to where you are so that delivery does not take forever.
hope i helped in some way,
but yeah.
=)
Hi Aiman,
ReplyDeleteGorgeous? See who's talking!! lol Seriously, seeing your pics made me change my "i-don't-like-Asian-men" misconceptions.
I followed your advice even before you gave it to me (your review on barbie circle browns totally convinced me), but I ordered them from PinkyParadise. I live in Spain, so it'll take them 2/3 weeks to arrive... shame I didn't read your message sooner. Anyways, for future purposes, what site do you recommend me? I hadn't heard of any European one...
And... 16.0 mm! First time I hear it! Have you reviewed on them? I'm curious to see what they look like...
Aiman, thank you very much for your kind words and your advice (it means a lot to me, you made me smile), as well as for your swift response to my comment (pity I couldn't check it until now).
Keep up the great blogging job and thank you very much!